there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Randomize
