dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
