Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
honey bunches of taint.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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