I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
