Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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