there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Randomize
