so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
