Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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