im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize