I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
