WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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