when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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