Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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