I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
