i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize