My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
