You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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