I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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