I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
