I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
