go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
