Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Randomize
