I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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