I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
