Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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