He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
