Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
