he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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