wanna go halves on a baby?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
