either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize