You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
