Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
