stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
