I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
