For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
