Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
