i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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