Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize