I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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