I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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