Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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