What did we do last night that was yellow?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
