so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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