i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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