Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
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