I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
