Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
