no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
