even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
