I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
