You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Randomize
