I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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