That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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