HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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