fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Randomize
