I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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