"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
