you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
