I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
