You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
