was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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