every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
