He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
