How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
