We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
