Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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