Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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