we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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