She said her name was "party"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
