Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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