I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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