You really coming over, don't trick.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
