you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Randomize
