last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
