He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
