Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Just high enough for therapy.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
