Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
