I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize