I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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