I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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