The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
