if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
