this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
