TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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