Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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