we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize