Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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