Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
